Labor Like a “PRO”: Pleasure

Standard

This post is the first in a 3-part series of simple ways to think about maximizing your enjoyment of labor by remembering how to do it like a “PRO”:

Pleasure

Relaxation

Oxytocin

DSC02666

Pleasure Principles

pleasure (noun)- 1. a feeling of happiness, delight, or satisfaction, 2. sensual gratification: gratification of the senses, 3. recreation, relaxation, or amusement, especially as distinct from work or everyday routine

The benefits of pleasure in labor:

-pleasure sensations can help “shut the gate” to the uncomfortable sensations of labor

-many things which cause pleasure also increase oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is the hormone which drives labor progress AND brings on relaxed, loving feelings. (We’ll get into it more in the third part of the PRO series.)

-pleasurable feelings aid in the ability to relax which can greatly decrease pain.

-pleasure shifts our perspective of the sensations of labor.

Grab a pencil and paper and jot down whatever thoughts come to mind about the following questions:

What brings you pleasure? (Think about your five senses.)

Sights:

Smells:

Tastes:

Sounds:

Touch: (think texture and temperature)

 

What makes you laugh/smile?

 

What other things make you feel good, happy, or satisfied?

Now, using the list you’ve made, think about what sorts of supplies you can have on hand to increase the pleasure principle in your labor.  Chocolate, candles, massage oils, essential oils, access to a bath, comfy pillows… whatever is on your list.

While this might sound too simple to work, you may be surprised to find how effective even “the little things” can be.

For more information about the importance of pleasure during labor, and to actually practice using pleasure to cope, register for a spot in an upcoming series of Prepared for Birth.  Engaging, holistic, evidence-based childbirth education really brings together all the pieces of the puzzle.

Dandelion_ad-02

In the meantime, stay tuned for Part Two in this series to learn more about preparing to enjoy your birth!

Advertisements

Crafting Ceremonies: Honoring our sacred moments

Standard

Weaning.

Menopause.

Separation or divorce.

Moving house.

Stillbirth or miscarriage.

There are so many important moments in our lives that hang heavy with emotions that may feel as if they have no outlet.  Can we find ways to mark these moments for ourselves and in community?

Our culture and/or specific religious tradition may have given us a guide for navigating some important life events: marriage, baptism, naming, burial, to name a few. But perhaps these traditional ceremonies don’t quite fill the spots in our hearts we’re longing to fill due to outdated or incomplete language, symbolism, or other factors. Is there a way to refresh these ceremonies for our own meaningful use?

17190892_10101636296495575_2536628165068740248_n

(Image courtesy of Rebecca Frederick)

Often, in my work supporting families through the journeys of trying to conceive, pregnancy, birth, parenting, and self care, I hear people speak of their desire for a way to honor or recognize important events.  They may feel confusion or frustration or grief at the many deep emotions they’re holding around their life transitions that are not formally “recognized” by those around them.  This can be a lonely and overwhelming feeling, not to have our own significant life events be honored for what they are.

After many times of suggesting to people that they find a way to mark these moments with rituals or ceremonies, I realized it was time to help them find the tools to do just that. Towards that end, my dear friend Mandy Olivam and I have designed a workshop to provide instruction and inspiration for crafting our own ceremonies in safe community. Mandy is a writer, retreat facilitator, and mother of two.

In our time together, we will explore our feelings and goals around our sacred moments; we will work in teams to create ceremonies with meaningful parts, and will share lunch and community together.

When: Saturday, March 25, 10am-2pm

Where: Directions to workshop location will be sent directly to registrants.

Cost: Suggested $20-$50 love donation.

For more information, please contact me directly. Or to register, click HERE.

New Mamas Group-Join us!

Standard

I am so thrilled to announce that, beginning in February, I will be facilitating the weekly New Mamas group at Mama’s Hip.

This group is about the values that Mama’s Hip AND Dandelion Birth Services are built on:

-We all do better when we all do better. Building up others in strength and confidence is where it’s at!

-We need each other. Supportive communities are vital to our wellbeing.

-Each of us is full of the perfect amount of love and wisdom for the job; sometimes we just need our community to remind us and strengthen us.

 

The group will meet each Monday at noon with a rotating series of topics:

The New Normal How do we find our sea legs on this new journey? Is this normal? What can I do when expectations and reality don’t meet?

Nighttime Parenting How do we get more sleep? How do I cope with less sleep than I’m used to? Is our current nighttime situation the best fit for our family?

Support Systems How can I get the best support from my partner and family? Do I need extra help at this time? Who do I turn to in need?

Baby Care FAQ We may cover anything from feeding to diapering to babywearing to illness to infant development. Google is great, but face to face support from other mamas is even better!

 

This group is for those who are expectant or with babies up to 6 months of age. There is no cost to attend.

For more information or questions, call:

Jenny Claire 502-396-7500,

Or Mama’s Hip 502-384-8805.

Mama’s Hip is located at 1559 Bardstown Road in Louisville.

Pregnancy Connection Circle

Standard

I have been so excited to make this announcement! Dandelion Birth Services will be offering a new opportunity for pregnant women to feel empowered and centered starting in January of 2016. This isn’t a class, and it isn’t a workshop. For lack of a better name, I’m choosing to call it the Pregnancy Connection Group, because connection is what it’s truly about: connection with our spirits, bodies, and intuition; with our babies; and with one another. And, yes, I did say “our”, which brings me to the second part of my announcement! I am expecting my 5th baby in June of 2016! When I first settled into the news, I realized I felt a real need for a specific kind of connection, which is exactly why I designed this group opportunity.

I spent quite a bit of time meditating, dreaming, and writing about the question “What sort of gathering would I want to take part in?” The answer was a picture full of warmth, love, honestly, questioning, exploring, and pampering. As with each Dandelion offering, this one is truly holistic, based on the truth that we live in mind and body, heart and soul, and that we all need care and support from others.

Each week of the group will include time for:

*Physical self care (stretching, gentle exercise, massage, healthy snacks)

*Internal reflection (writing, mediation)

*Creativity (drawing, coloring, building labyrinths, sculpting)

*Connective group dialog and sharing

*Intentional connection with our babies

I think each of us feels a deep need for connection and it’s often hard to find the time, space, and safe feeling to fully engage in a meaningful way with ourselves and with those around us. My intention is to create a space for us to build community, to learn from and with one another, and to feel truly held and heard as we grow (both visibly and invisibly!) This can be a special time you set aside for yourself each week for the physical and spiritual pampering you crave and deserve. Each week of the group will be centered around a different theme to hone our focus.

Week 1: Going Inward, Birthing Outward

Week 2: Fears and Affirmations; Shadow and Light

Week 3: Vulnerability and Strength; What to surrender, what to cultivate

Week 4: Potluck (All members of the group will help contribute to the snacks and activities as driven by the previous 3 weeks work together.)

I will provide healthy snacks and beverages for each group as well as all supplies for activities and a few other treats. The cost for the 4 week session is $100. (As always, I don’t want anyone to feel they can’t take part if cost is the only barrier. Please contact me to discuss payment options, etc.) Register HERE.

If you have any questions, please contact me! I am so excited to share this journey with some special mothers. Blessings to all of you.

Added 2017, feedback from a participant in the 2016 Circle:

“It was a pure gift to be part of Jenny Claire’s pregnancy circle on my second pregnancy journey.  I was put at ease by her kind hospitality, grounded compassion, broad knowledge, and mystical wisdom. Jenny Claire personifies the many important dimensions of the demanding work of preparing for and giving birth: humility, strength, humor, reflection, careful attention, fortitude, and love.  Her skill in creating a nurturing space is multifaceted and met our diverse needs beautifully: we laughed, we cried, we shared deeply, we received and gave wholeheartedly, thanks to her effortless and authentic example… What a wonderful way to prepare for the hardest and most rewarding lifework, to find gifts within me alongside new friends and such a capable guide.” -M.O.

 

 

For Fathers, From Fathers

Standard

Much of my work is about supporting and educating mothers wherever they are on their parenting paths. But, many don’t realize how much a doula and childbirth educator also works for the partners of expectant mothers. As Father’s Day approaches, I’ve been thinking a lot about the fathers I’ve been blessed to meet and work with. I wanted to do something to honor them, and all of the amazing fathers out there who make a difference every day. So dads, this post is for you! (I’d also like to recognize that not all labor partners or parenting partners are dads. But, since it’s Father’s Day, this post is aimed at fathers. I plan to do another post soon for all partners, regardless of sex or title.)

In Spiritual Midwifery, Ina May Gaskin says, “It does a man good to see his lady being brave while she has their baby-it inspires him.” I have certainly seen this to be true. But, it’s important for men to understand that this goes both ways. It does a woman good to see her man being supportive, loving, and involved in the pregnancy and birth of their child! As a doula, some of the most beautiful moments I witness are those first moments of becoming for the parents…the look on mom’s face, the look on dad’s face when they meet their newest family member for the first time…these moments are priceless and unforgettable. I am brought to tears every time by the tenderness, joy, surprise, awe, love, and pride I see cross fathers’ faces during labor and birth. It is always a deep honor to witness these moments and they continually inspire me.

I also truly enjoy and appreciate the participation of dads in my Prepared for Birth classes. The entire series is built not just on preparing women for labor and birth, but also on preparing partners to feel comfortable with the process and to know how to provide presence and support in a way that is meaningful to both of them. Partners offer a unique perspective and I always learn a lot from their input and questions. I feel grateful that we live in an era in which dads are welcome and encouraged to participate fully in the process of childbirth education and parenting. It bodes well for the children being born to two parents who are involved in such a loving and eager way!

But, enough about my perspective on fathers in the birth world! What we really want to hear is what the dads have to say! At postpartum visits and in surveys, I often ask partners, “What do you wish you had known before this process began? What did you learn that you would share with other partners?” I’ve gotten some great responses ranging from hilarious to game-changing. What I’d like to share in this post is some of the words of wisdom about that specific moment of *becoming* a father and the early days of parenting. Because I’ve gotten so much great response from this question, I plan to write another post soon with pregnancy and labor advice for and from partners.

I also asked the 2 wonderful men I am lucky enough to co-parent with and received some awesome insight from them both. I’ve added theirs in the list below.

With no further ado, here are fathers on becoming fathers:

“I can’t believe how much I love her. I never could’ve anticipated how much I would like things like dancing her to sleep or wearing her (in a baby carrier). My daughter is really fun to be with.”

“I know you talked a lot in class about how dads can do skin-to-skin time with the baby too and how important it is for bonding for the dad and the baby. That was really important to me and I think it helped a lot to do that right from the start whenever S couldn’t hold him.”

“At the baby’s birth, in a way unlike any other time, fathers don’t have nursing to automatically plug them and baby into each other and time near stops. Finding the way to be with their folk in those moments is a potentially deep quest, and remembering we were like that, and our fathers, etc…”

“It was so wild! I couldn’t believe it was over when she pushed him out and he was here. It went so fast (for me!) It was just the best feeling when he was out. That whole process of having a baby is so amazing. I can’t imagine not being there for that moment.”

“The first night in the hospital, you and your partner are in charge of the baby. When the baby is up in the middle of the night, you’re up. I always imagined a nurse would come in to respond, but that is not the case. Very naïve on my part but just something I didn’t know. And the guy is not supposed to say that they are tired to the birth partner the days after labor. Because the one who gave birth will be much more exhausted and in recovery.”

“Don’t expect to sleep and don’t think that if you get one good night of sleep that the next will be the same. In the words of Douglas Adams, ‘Don’t panic.’ Just relax, enjoy, appreciate, and marvel. Oh, and make yourself useful. (I don’t always agree with that cheeky train but in this instance it’s appropriate.”

“I wish I had known how hard it would be to go back to work after he was born. I just wanted to be home with them. I couldn’t think about anything else at work. I kept calling her to see what he was doing.  Dads should really get more time off to be with their kids too.”

“Relax, because you care, because you tried, you learned, and you love…You will do your best, in labor and in fatherhood… Allow the experience, and the ultimate outcome to overwhelm you and enjoy the true paradigm shift that naturally takes over when your child is born.”

“Be prepared for the most grueling and rewarding experience of your life.”

“Enjoy every second. It will be over before you know it so try to take a moment and take in the awesomeness that is the birth of your child. Trust me it is an experience you will not want to forget.”

10

Heartfelt thanks to all the dads who’ve welcomed me as part of their family’s birth teams and an extra shout out to the dads who shared their words of wisdom and love.

Fathers, what thoughts do you have to share about your experience of “becoming Daddy”?

Letter Writing as a Tool for Healing (and Maybe Changing the System!)

Standard

I’ve been thinking a lot about the brave, beautiful women who’ve shared their stories with me in the Birth Baggage workshops I’ve facilitated over the last year. Unexpected and unwanted events in their births left them with so many painful and crippling feelings: anger, grief, guilt, fear, betrayal, and more. With each workshop I lead, and each woman whose story I’m honored to hear, I learn more about the needs of women in postpartum trauma, and continue to tweak and develop tools and processes for healing. For so many of the women who tell me their stories, I notice that they have a lot of anger and betrayal and various emotions in the direction of others who played a role in the events, whether it was a nurse, a doctor, a spouse, or someone else. They often feel like they aren’t able to tell these people how they really feel out of fear that it won’t make any difference, fear of hurting the relationship, or because it just never occurred to them that they had a right to their own voice.

I recently had an “Aha!” moment when I realized that one of the tools I’ve been using for healing and connection for as long as I can remember could also be used for healing from painful birth experiences, especially the aspects surrounding other people’s roles in our stories. What’s more, this is a tool that can cause ripple effects by changing the way birth happens in our community. It’s so simple, but so powerful! I’ve been contemplating sharing this with the participants of the most recent Birth Baggage workshop, because they’ve been in my mind and heart so much, but realized I needed to spread the love further.

So, with no further ado, let’s talk about the fine (and all but lost) art of Letter Writing! Here are some ways to use this towards the purpose of healing and/or affecting change.Letter

  1. Give yourself permission to vomit out whatever arises without trying to edit it.  As Anne Lamont tells us in “Bird by Bird: On Writing and Life”, it’s incredibly important to write “shitty first drafts”. If we spend too much time worrying that the words won’t be reasonable or articulate or coherent, we don’t allow ourselves to even get started, let alone to allow the most intense feelings and thoughts to come through.  The first draft of your letter is for your eyes only.  Think of it more as a journal writing exercise than a letter at this point.  Let it take whatever form it needs to: outline, phrases, curse words, scribbles.  This is for you.  Just getting it all out on paper is very therapeutic.  Consider the paper (or computer screen) a safe space where there’s no such thing as “wrong”.
  2. Give yourself plenty of time to let the first draft “air out”.  This is not the version you’ll be sharing with anyone else.  After it’s out, you may feel lighter or more open than before.  You may feel a sense of release or relief.  Or, you may feel like you opened a door to lots more hurt, things you hadn’t shed light on previously, and now you need some time to be tender with those new sore spots.  Sometimes, we feel so empowered by the intensity of emotion we’ve released that we want to send it off right away.  This can end up causing more trouble than good! So, for now, just sit with the initial version of your letter and give it time.
  3. Consider your audience and your goal.  Are you writing to let someone know that you were hurt by their actions?  Are you hoping for an apology, a change in the way they’ll treat you moving forward, or just to explain why you’ve chosen to discontinue using their services?  Think about what sort of information this person needs to have from you, and in what form it will be most effectively received.
  4. Rewrite your letter as many times as needed with your aim in mind.  I once wrote a letter to someone who had caused me deep pain at a very traumatic time in my life.  My first draft was ten pages long, full of insults and threats, and indignation.  I broke all the “rules” of fair fighting by bringing up past events unrelated to the situation at hand, making personal attacks on the person’s character, and saying things to try to hurt her like she had hurt me.  As soon as I read that version, I knew it was just a therapeutic tool.  The second draft was much calmer, but still read like a laundry list of the intended recipient’s wrongdoings, and never really made any roads towards solutions or change.  By the third draft, I was able to say how I had been hurt, to explain how it continued to affect me and affect my relationship with the other person, and to describe what I hoped would happen so that we could repair the relationship.  The overall tone of the final version (which I eventually sent) was actually very loving, hopeful, and solution-focused.  While I knew that I couldn’t count on this person to come through with the apology and changes I needed, I had experienced profound change within myself just by speaking up for what I felt and what I needed, thereby showing myself respect and compassion.  I was also able to take ownership of my story, and responsibility for my part in the events.  So, no matter what the other person’s reaction was, I had already made things better for myself just by writing the letter.
  5. Actually send the final draft of your letter.  Get the contact information for the intended recipient or recipients.  Some good contacts may be: the nurse manager at your hospital, the office manager with your care provider’s practice, the customer service manager at your insurance company, the actual doctor or midwife who provided your care, and even the administrators of your hospital.  (As a childbirth educator at a hospital, I’ve heard many times, straight from the CEO of the hospital, how important patient feedback is to him.  He wants it all—good and bad—to come to the administration so that they can use it to know what they need to improve so they may provide the best care to every patient.  And I have seen changes made based on patient input many times.  It CAN happen.  This may not be the policy or practice at every hospital but it doesn’t hurt to try!)  Address your letter and send it!  It can be via email or on paper.  Mail it or hand deliver it.  Just be sure to do your story and your feelings justice by sharing what needs to be shared.

I have heard hundreds of birth stories from women who’ve been hurt in very real (physical and emotional) ways by care providers and professionals who acted in a disrespectful or even downright cruel manner. Women whose birth outcomes and even lifelong health were affected by providers practicing based on convenience, habit, or routine rather than on what was actually safest and healthiest for the birthing mothers. So many of these women don’t ever speak up about what has happened to them. Many because they’re in the thick of caring for their families while healing their bodies, too busy in the reality of the immediate postpartum period. Later, they may choose not to communicate their stories because they feel too much time has passed for it to count. Or, they may feel they don’t have the right to speak up after so many people have told them, “Why are you still upset about your birth? You have a healthy baby and that’s all that matters.”

If even a tenth of the women who had unsatisfactory or traumatic birth experiences took the time to contact their care providers, nurse managers, hospital administrators, and anyone else involved in the chain of command, eventually the message would be too loud to ignore. Our birth experiences and our feelings around them are important. By speaking up for what we feel and need, we show ourselves respect, and may also pave the way for change in the system. What if your letter could make a difference in how another woman is treated in her birth? What if your letter could change a policy or a procedure? What if your letter could change how you look at your experience by empowering you and opening the door to healing?

How will you know if you don’t try?

Start with a shitty first draft.

IMG_90956489469098

Unpacking your birth baggage-NEW workshop format

Standard

I am so thrilled to be able to share with you that I will be offering the Unpacking Your Birth Baggage workshop this spring with a whole new format.  While the feedback from past workshops was quite positive, I never liked the way our good work together was interrupted by time constraints when it was held over the course of two sessions a week apart.  So, I have revamped the format and tweaked the workshop plan to be held on one full Saturday.  We’ll have a beautiful, intimate space in which to share or time together; a break mid-way for lunch and community building; and a more relaxed schedule to open up room in our hearts and minds for exploration and healing.  The goals of the workshop remain, with some new ones being added.  What we’ll do together includes:

-Delving into the buried feelings and beliefs about birth that cause us trauma and grief, and finding ways to dig them out in order to make room for empowering and healing truths;

-Learning tools and practices for increasing self-love;

-Using art, visualization, affirmations, and more to increase our inner peace and joy; and,

-Building safe space with other women who understand that your birth and your feelings about it really matter.

20140604_132243

This workshop is for you if you have had a birth experience that left you with grief, trauma, guilt, or any other painful reactions.

Registration is limited to allow for a safe, intimate setting.  Feel free to contact me if you have more questions about the workshop.  I am so excited to be sharing this process with a new group of mothers!

The details:

When: Saturday, March 21, 2015 10:00 am-4:00 pm

Where: Full Circle Holistic Women’s Health-care, Bardstown Road

Cost: $75, includes a delicious vegetarian lunch and all supplies (please bring your own journal or notebook)

Register here